Til the day I die
by AleKuroba
Summary: I don't remember my childhood. But I do remember a pair of blue orbs and auburn locks. I remember how I used to stare at them for hours. And I know they are the reason I'm not able to love again. Clake's POV. AU story. [Clexa].
1. Chapter 1

_I know._

 _I know._

 _I know there are walls._

 _I know how to climb those walls._

 _I know how to destroy them._

 _Nobody knows her like I do._

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I had that dream again. The one where I'm at that park where I used to play. And she was there. The little girl with long auburn locks and deep blue eyes, just standing right there, watching me.

Why would she watch me? What's she expecting from me?

I grab my mug of coffee and I walk towards the soaked window of my apartment. It's been raining the whole week and my car is broken, so I guess I'm going to have to walk to work again. Maybe the walk gets me out of the somnolent state I'm in right now.

Why do I keep having this dream? Who is this girl?

While my mind keeps runing through all my childhood memories to find the possible name of the girl, I dress up and get ready to go. Even when I start walking under my umbrella I keep thinking about those intense blue orbs locked on me. Although, the busy streets of the city finally get my attention, as I dodge pedestrians. In less than fifteen minutes I'm at work and before my finger can touch the elevator's button, I hear my name.

"Hey, Clarke! Where are you going, huh? Are you avoiding me because our 'hunting' night?" my friend asks, joining me in the elevator with too much energy for this hour in the morning.

" 'Hunting' night? What does it mean 'hunting night'?"

"It means that we are going out tonight. And we are going to hunt some good stuff, if you know what I mean…" she smirks in that way she does when she is thinking about rated M stuff.

"I don't hunt, Raven. And I hate those crowdy places with people touching all my body with their bodies while I'm trying to have some fun dancing." I answer with a light smile playing on my lips.

"You love them, so shut up. We are going to pick you up at 10pm. Be ready, okay?" She says as she gets out of the elevator on the floor where her office is.

"Wait, we? Who are 'we'?" I try to get an answer before the doors close, but all I get in response is a wink from her.

I huff as the elevator gets me to my floor. I really don't feel like going out tonight, let's not talk about 'hunting'. I know I've not been being myself since my last relationship with Finn, but I can't help it. With Finn I realized that I'm not able to love. I have been in a few serious relationships, but none of them made a difference in me. It's like I'm a cold hearted person who just agrees to be in a relation if sex is good enough. Does that make me a monster?

The sound of the elevator reaching my floor wakes me and I start walking through the several desks till I get into my office. I place my bag and I sit on my arm chair, wanting nothing but to end this day as soon as possible. Is my life going to be this average, this normal, the whole time? My whole life time? I close my eyes and start traveling through my possible future, and I get sick with what comes up.

"Wow, that sucks, huh?" I chuckle.

"What sucks?" I hear next to me and as I open my eyes, I see a pair of asian eyes looking me.

"Monty, hey. How can I help you?" I fix myself and try to look a bit more like a manager.

"I finished the project. I'm going to expose it in an hour. I want you to be there."

"Why? I'm just your manager, not you boss."

"I know, but I feel more confident when you are around. Besides, you encouraged me to develop it, so…"

I smile and sigh, as I run a hand through my hair. "Okay, I will be there."

"Perfect. See you then!" And when he's gone, I stand up and close the door to prevent new incomers into my office. It's just 8.30am, for God's sake.

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"So… Where are we going?" I ask, trying to not show that much interest.

"You'll see soon!" Raven smiles at me, like a child,and makes me chuckle. When she is around, everything seems to be easier, funnier and lighter. She gets out my childish side and makes me have fun, even in the worst places or situations you've ever seen. Like right now.

"We are going wild tonight!" The boys yell, like they are all by theirselfs in the car.

"Raven, when you said 'we' this morning, I was expecting one or two more people, not the whole 'squad' " I air quote, looking at all the people around me. "I mean, we even had to rent a freaking bus to take us to the club."

"C'mon Clarke, it's not that bad. We are a big family! We spend our days together in a small building, so why not going out together too? It's going to be the best night ever, trust me." She states.

I was about to ask again where we are going, but apparently we've just reached our destination, because Raven is standing and fixing her tight purple dress, so I stand too, getting ready to get out of that bus filled with testosterone. And once I'm on the ground, I lift my sight to see the neon and I can't believe what I read.

"You were able to get US here?!" I can't hide my excitement and Raven laughs when she sees me stunned face.

"I've got my contacts, you know? Someone owed me a favor, so all I had to do was ask for it."

"You just asked to get US, almost 20 persons, to The Ground? Just like that? Raven, it's the most famous club in the city. Not only because of its exclusiveness and all that stuff, also because it's said that the mob runs this place."

"I thought you liked dangerous and exciting things. You've been moaning about your boring life these past few weeks, so I made sure you'd have some aventure tonight." She puts an arm around my neck and stares at the main entrance and then back at me. "Shall we?"

"Yes, please." I know I sound desperate, but I can wait to see what's inside of this place. And when the guards at the entrance give us a nod, we scoot in. And it's like I always imagined. A big place, with a stage where the DJ is playing his music, a huge dancefloor right in front of the stage and the bar next to it. In the background you can see a VIP zone and some doors that seem to be staff rooms, because there are some guards also over there. I grab Raven's hand and drag her to the bar. "Let's have a shot and a drink first."

"Wow, that's the spirit, Clarke!" She calls the barista and asks for two tequila shots and two vodkas. "To us!" she shouts over the music with a huge grin on her face. We down the shots and seconds later we're on the dancefloor, sipping our drinks while we move our bodies to the music.

After almost two hours of dancing, boucing and singing, I need to go to fresh up myself, so I go to the barista again and ask for the toilets, who answers me by pointing somewhere next to the VIP zone. Sighing at the helpful response I've just got, I walk towards the doors that are not being watched by guards and I sigh again when I see there are no toilet signs anywhere. Finally, I decide to try with the most remote one, don't ask me why. I guess I like mistery. I open it and before I can get into the room, I hear two persons arguing about a murderer, making my heart skip a beat. I've just run into a mob fight, because the people who are around the room don't seem to be at the club just for fun.

"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" some huge guy yells at me.

"I… I was looking for the ladies room… Have you… seen it?" And I feel like the most stupid person on Earth right now.

"Wait, Lovejoy. Don't kick her out." A suited man smirks while he stares at me like a predator.

"I don't want to interrupt anything, so I better get going-"

"You are not going anywhere, honey. Lovejoy, take her." He interrupts me.

"What are you doing? She is just a normal girl." I hear from the other side of the room and I gaze at the woman who is trying to save my ass, freezing in the moment I see her fully. She looks familiar. It's like I already know her. That auburn wild hair, those deep blue eyes that shine eventhough the makeup covering her face.

"She is going to be my 'deposit'. I'm not going to accept a 'no', Lexa." I still hear them arguing, but I can't take my eyes off the woman, whose name is, apparently, Lexa. But the guard knocks me out of my daze state by grabbing me and dragging me next to his boss, and I start to panic. My eyes start to water and my breathing gets harder. Am I going to be murdered tonight by a mobster? I try to get some help by staring at Lexa and begging that she won't kill me after saving me. And it works, because she pulls out a gun.

"Let her go, Cage. This is not how we do things." She says.

"This is not how we USED to do things, right. But now, we do. My father might have been merciful, but I'm not. Anyway, if you don't want your deposit back…" He looks at the guard. "Lovejoy, do it."

And all I hear is a loud bang and someone falling. I look where the sounds came and I see the guard covered in blood and I panic even more. I can't move at all, even knowing that I'm in the middle of a shooting. But, suddenly, someone grabs my hand and pulls me out to the back alley.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asks, with her thumb rubbing my sweaty palm.

"Why are you… Why do you do this?... Why do you care about me?..."

"Because we-" Before she can finish her sentence, the shooting seems to stop. "You have to go."

"What? Why?"

"Because there are two options: my men won or my men are dead." She pushes me towards the exit of the alley and she faces the back door of the club with her gun ready.

"But you-"

"GO, CLARKE!"

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A/N: And that's all for today! Do you like it? Do you not? Review me and tell me what you think about this AU. I'm sorry for the possible mitakes,my English is not great and it's 4am...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So, second chapter…

But first of all I wanted to talk to you guys.

How do you feel about Lexa's death and all the Clexa stuff? I really feel like kind of… betrayed? I don't know. All the gay couples I like are desappearing of TV shows (The 100, most recently) and I know sometimes it's not because of the writers or creators, but I really feel like we are always the ones who get the worst part since gay couples appeared for the first time on TV. When are we going to get a couple (female-female couple) living happy together ever after? When is it going to be normal to have a happy gay couple on a TV show?

Anyway… Let's have some Clexa time! (I apologize for the possible mistakes)

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"So… Last night you were in the middle of a mafia fight-" Raven asks, quirking a brow.

"Yes."

"And the boss of one of the groups saved you-"

"Aha."

"And she knew your name, but you didn't know her."

"Right." I nod.

"Are you sure you weren't that drunk?"

"I wasn't that drunk! I'm pretty sure I saw the girl and the dead body and the other boss."

"Maybe it's just part of your imagination. You said that her eyes were exactly like the ones of the girl of your dream."

"That's the weirdest thing. It's like we knew each other, but I actually don't!"

Raven huffs. I know she's trying to understand me, she's trying hard, but I know that that girl named Lexa wasn't a drunk dream I had. Neither was the shooting.

"So… Why would she risk her men just to save you?" She asks again, standing up from my couch where we have been sitting the whole Sunday morning. She goes to the kitchen and refills her mug with hot coffee. I wait until she is back on the couch to answer, but nothing logical comes out.

"I don't know, there's no explanation." She gives that knowing look. "BUT I know I will find out."

"How? By going to the 'Mafia registration center', where all the mobsters are registered with their ID numbers included? Yeah, good idea. Do you have a picture too? Might be helpful." She mocks.

"C'mon Raven. You are NOT being helpful."

"Because it doesn't make sense. You came by your own here and texted me so I could know that you were at home after being in a mob fight, when the whole time I was actually thinking you were in the toilet, passed out." She settles her mug on the coffee table and looks at me. "Excuse me if I act like I don't buy the whole story."

I sigh, knowing that this conversation isn't going anywhere. "Yeah, I should forget about it." I look away from her, fixing my eyes on the window. "You know, just keep on with my boring life." I mumble.

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Monday again. Rainy again. I don't know why, but as long as I remember, it's been raining in this city since that car crush. It's like the city is crying the whole time, crying for the ones we lost. It was a huge accident, definitely, but nobody seems to remember. I guess it's because nobody lost anything but me. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. It's time to go to work, so I put my coat on and take my umbrella. I start walking through the streets and no longer after, someone grabs my arm and drags me into a car, making me leave my umbrella behind. I have no time to say a word before the car is on the run. I look, confused, around me and I spot two guys that look familiar.

"Hey! Where are we going?!" Nobody replies. "Why am I in this car?" Still no answers. I try to open the door, but it's locked. "WHAT DO YOU WAN-" I can't finish my sentece because the car suddenly stops and my head bangs into the front seat. Then I hear two shots and the door opens almost immediately. I feel dizy, but I can see a blurry person getting me out of the car. "Who… are you?" I can not hear anything although I can see that person's lips move. And then, everything becomes black.

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I come into my senses slowly. First, I notice the feeling beneath me, soft and warm. Then, the smell, that I don't recognize at all. And then, the blindly light filling the room. "What the fuck…" I try to stand on my elbows, but when I move, my head hurts a lot and my hand lands on my forehead, noticing that I have a gash. After several minutes wondering how I got it and why I'm in this room sleeping, it comes to my mind clearly. "Oh my God… Am I kidnapped? Really?" I huff. "When I wished an exciting life I didn't mean I wanted to play the survival level of life."

All of a sudden, my heart skips a beat when I hear someone coming closer and I get out of bed and hide under it, praying that that person doesn't get in the room. But, again, life seems to be having fun of me and the door is opened by, what I guess, a woman. I try to stay still as that woman wonders around the room. It's like she doesn't even know that I was supposed to be in the room.

"Get out, Clarke." Or she does and she knows I'm still here. Although, I stay under the bed, begging to whoever is up there to save me. Suddenly, a pair of light blue eyes appear infront of me and I gasp. "I don't want to play hide and seek right now, come on."

"Lexa?" I ask, stunned. She smiles lightly and steps aside, so I can get out. "Why? What am I doing here?"

"You were kidnapped" She states.

"I know. By you." I answer deadpanned.

"No. By Cage. I saved you."

I roll my eyes. "By hitting me on the head?"

"You were bleeding before I got you out of the car."

"Who is Cage and why does he want me?"

She seems to take a minute to elaborate the answer, closing her eyes, and then she looked at me. "He thinks you know me, but clearly, you don't."

"You do know me, though."

"Yes, I do. And you did know me in the past, but you don't seem to remember." She says slightly saddened. I look at her as she walks towards the door. "You can go downstairs, but please, stay in the house until I say you can go. I don't want you to get hurt anymore."

I scoot closer to her, following her around the place. "You know I have a life to live, right? I just can't stay here because you want me to."

She turns around and faces me, making me to step back. "You are going to stay here as long as I want."

"At least tell me why do you know me." I whisper loud enough for her to hear me.

"I'm not going to tell you anything." She starts to walk again. "If you want to know that, you should start remember."

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It's been a day since I'm here. I've been occupying my time by talking to my now roomates and exploring the house. It looks like a reformed old mansion, with wood floor and huge windows. There's a yard on the back and a lovely terrace. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm being detained, this place would be like paradise. I go downstairs to have something for breakfast and I enter the dinning room, where Lexa is having coffee as she watchs the news.

"Good morning guys." I greet.

"Hey, how did you sleep?" Lincoln, one of Lexa's men, answers back.

"Better. My head is no longer hurting and I'm getting used to see Nyko in a smock." I joke as I see the man bringing some toasts and coffee.

"Very funny, Clarke, but I really don't look that bad." He smiles.

I get a seat next to Lexa as the guys keep joking and bugging each other. "You don't talk to me now?"

"I was focused on the news. Good morning." She forces a smile.

"Look, you've been upset with me this whole time and I don't know why. Would you please talk to me?"

"I'm not upset with you. I'm not upset at all. I'm just not a morning person, that's all."

"You liar." I say annoyed, getting the attention of the rest of the people in the room.

Lexa seems to be aware of it and getures them to get out. "Leave us alone." Once the last person leaves the room, she turns to face me and frowns. "Why would you care about what I feel since you don't know me at all?"

"That's it, right? You're upset with me because I can't remember anything about you."

"How would you feel if the person you care about doesn't know you at all? What if that person didn't know you existed this whole ti-"

"Commander." We are interrupted by one of Lexa's men. She gestures him to come in and the guy scoots closer to her, whispering her something. She nods and gestures him to leave.

"Clarke, you can go home. Lincoln will escort you to your place." She states.

"What? Why?" I ask surprised.

"We took care of the problem you had with Cage. He souldn't be a pain in your ass anymore."

"But I want us to talk." I insist, ignoring what she just said.

"That can wait. This is not your place Clarke. We are bad people, we kill, we torture. You can't stay here." She stands up. "Lincoln! Get Clarke to her place, please. Make sure everyhing is okay."

"Yes, ma'am." He complies and he looks at me, waiting.

"This is not over, Lexa." I threat before leaving the room, with Lincoln walking behind me.

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"It's clear." Lincoln says as he lets me in. "Be safe, Clarke. The commander really cares about you."

I let out a sarcastic laugh as I join Lincoln at the door. "Thanks Lincoln. See you."

"See you, Clarke." He says before I close the door. I sigh as I walk to the couch and sink on it. I'm about to call my friend when the doorbell rings. I ignore it, fearing whoever is in the other side of the door. The doorbell rings again and suddenly, the door opens without any resistance.

"Clarke?"

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A/N: Anddddd that's all! Did you like it? Why Clarke can't remember Lexa? It's like something happened between them.

Well, if you stick with me, you'll find out.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Guys! What's up? Ready for another chapter?

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"Mom?" I doubt for a moment before standing up from the couch and seeing her fully. "Mom, what are you doing here?" She scoots close to me, looking at me carefully. Behind her I perceive another human shape coming in, but with my mother infront of me I can't find out who it is, so I panic, trying to move my mother away and face the unknown person. "Who ar-" Just as I was saying those words, my mother's stepped back, letting me see that the unknown shape is actually Raven shutting the door behind her. I breath deeply relieved.

"Clarke, where have you been?" I look at my mother, who's asking, still showing panic on my face. "How did you get this scar in your forehead?" I wince when she touches the injury I had during my kidnapping.

"Yeah, we've been looking for you for almost two days." Raven complains as she gets closer to us.

I take a moment to answer. I don't know if it's a good thing to just spill the truth. My mother will overreact for sure, and Raven will go to The Ground club to kill every single soul there, or try, at least. So I say what firstly comes up to my mind. "I've been making out with a guy for a whole day. I wanted to feel young and get wild, you know."

"Young? You are 24, you know that, right?" Raven says with an eyebrow raised. "And what guy? The one who was getting out of the buildng just a minute ago? He doesn't seem your type. At all."

"What? I've just told you, I wanted to go wild. And he is w-"

"Enough." I face my mother, who seems to be angry as hell. "Clarke, I don't know what happened, but try to not go missing again like this."

"Mom, I'm a grown up, I haven't answered my phone for a day, it's not a big deal!" I shoot back.

"CLARKE." She yells at me and makes me stumble back. "I don't want you to hang out with that people, am I making myself clear?"

I freeze at that statement. How does she know there are more guys like Lincoln? How does she know that I've been with them and not only Lincoln? I look at her eyes, staring for a while, trying to read her. "What kind of people, mom?"

"Clarke, I won't ask again. Am I making myself clear, yes or no?"

I breath deeply and relax my whole body in surrender. "Yes."

"Good." She grabs my hand and drags me to the bathroom. Raven stares the whole time with a confused look while my mother turns on the light and commands me to sit on the toilet. She searchs for the medical kit that's beneath the sink. "They did a good job with the suture. It's not going to leave a mark."

"You're assuming that someone has sutured the wound. I might have gone to the hospital." I say as I watch her grabbing some gauzes.

"I know who is the guy exiting the building, Clarke. At least, I know who's his boss."

"Oh yeah? Well, tell me, because I don't have a clue." I sincere.

"You can't see her, okay?" She orders me as she covers the cut on my forehead. "You can't."

"Her? Who is 'her', mom?" I start to feel angry because I'm not getting any answers. Not from Lexa, not from my own mother. It's like they're trying to hide something. Something that is part of my past.

"There you are. Tomorrow come by the hospital. I'll remove the stitches." She ignores me brazenly and I give up. It's useless to keep asking if she's going to ignore me always and answer me with random topics.

I sigh and stand up, walking towards the living room, where Raven is sitting on the couch now, checking her phone. She looks at me, all worried, but she doesn't say a word. She waits until my mother leaves the apartment and huffs before she starts chuckling.

"So you really went to the Mafia Registration Center, huh? And the wound on your face it's like the approval seal they got you, or what?"

"Shut up." I sit next to her and cover my face with my arm, the back of my head resting on the back of the couch. "They kidnapped me."

Raven's eyes wide and her face looks like she's just seen a ghost. "Who?!"

"One of the mobsters. Apparently I know stuff about her and they wanted to make me talk."

"Yeah, you do know that she has blue eyes and she's a mobster." Raven jokes and makes me giggle.

"Yeah. And she has a fucking big mansion."

"Wow, you were at her place? Wait… Was she the one who kidnapped you? I mean, that doesn't make sense at all."

"Nope." I uncover my face and stare at the ceiling. "She rescued me. I was kidnapped by the man named Cage."

"CAGE?!" I jump on my spot as I look at Raven. She has that scared face again. "You know that guy?!"

"No…? I've just seen him that night in the club."

"Yeah, because that's his club. And he owns several buildings in the area, like our work place."

"WHAT?"

"Girl, you should quit. ASAP."

I think about that possibility, but suddenly, something comes up in my mind. "I'm not quitting. I'm going to go to work tomorrow."

"What pills are you taking? Because I really want that shit."

"I'm serious. I'm not going anywhere. If they want me, they know where to find me. I'm taking the Mafia Registration Center to my fucking office."

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I asked Raven to pick me up today in her way to work, so I can reach my office safely. After a silenced drive to the building, we get into the elevator and she looks at me.

"You should have stayed at home. Or traveled to Canada, maybe."

"It's not a big deal. I've been working here for 2 years. I'll be fine." I assure her before the doors open and she starts to walk towards her desk. She whispers a "be safe" before the elevator resumes its task, taking me to my floor. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, not sure if I really want to confront Cage and get some information about Lexa, or just lock myself up in my office. The bell dings, telling that I've just arrived to my floor, and as the doors open I open my eyes and I gulp at the sight. A whole fucking army is waiting for me just at the elevator. "I might not be that safe after all." I whisper to myself as my eyes travel side to side, analyzing the situation.

"Well, well, well." I hear on the back. "Who is going to save you now, Clarke?"

"Cage." I can see the man walking through his men until he's in front of me. "What do you want?"

"You know what I want. Lexa must have told you the other day, right? She is a smart girl. She knew I'd try to get you. Not smart enough, though. She thought that making a deal with me would solve this 'problem', if you know what I mean." He air-quotes as a smile appears on his lips.

"Then I'm going to make it easy for you, guys: I don't know anything about her. I've just met her." I try to step forward and get into my office, but when I'm passing next to him, he stops me, grabbing my wrist, and makes me turn to face him.

"We both know that's not true." And his victory smile is the last thing I can see before I black out.

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"I'm really tired of being kidnapped" I complain as Cage pace the dark room. The room has only one lamp above me and it smells like musty, and by the absence of windows I guess I'm in a basement. But I can't remember how I got here.

"At least you didn't get injured this time." He sighs and stops his movements as he faces me. "Are you going to start talking?"

"I don't know a thing about Lexa. Can you please untie me?"

"You do know Lexa. She wouldn't have bothered to save you twice unless you are actually meaningful for her."

"Well, maybe she has been stalking me these past years and she is in love with me in a platonic way." He seems to be considering the idea until he erupts into laughs.

"Lexa doesn't have feelings. I've seen her killing her own men because they'd made a mistake. She is ruthless. I really doubt she can actually feel something." I feel annoyed at his words, but I don't know why. The way he's talking about Lexa makes me want to punch his face a million times. "You must have some value."

"I can't tell you anything because I DON'T KNOW A FUCKING THING ABOUT HER, YOU IDIOT." I yell furiously and his only response is a laugh.

"Tell me, Clarke, do you know something about Pythia and the Delphi's Oracle?"

The question caught me by surprise. "The Greek myth?"

"And do you remember what the 'fortune-teller' had to get through?" My eyes go wide as I remember the last discover about these ancient ruins. "For at least 12 centuries, the oracle at Delphi spoke on behalf of the gods, advising rulers, citizens and philosophers on everything from their sex lives to affairs of state. The oracle was always a woman, her divine utterances made in response to a petitioner's request. In a trance, at times in a frenzy, she would answer questions, give orders and make prophecies. However, apparently, the region's underlying rocks turn out to be composed of oily limestone fractured by two hidden faults that cross exactly under the ruined temple, creating a path by which petrochemical fumes could rise to the surface to help induce visions. Well, those fumes, being starved and drink tea laurel."

"Are you going to drug me?" My voice waves and my body starts to shake.

"Not yet. But you better had breakfast this morning, because that might be your last meal ever."

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A/N: And that's all!

BTW, my tumblr is itsnotthateasy-kuroba. I'd be posting updates over there for those who don't have a ff account. I also post random, clexa, bechloe and funny stuff, so you might actually like my tumblr.

See you next week!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: GUYS! I'm so sorry for posting this chapter so late! I'm right now in San Francisco doing some internship and haven't got time for almost anything...

Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm sorry for the possible mistakes.

Warning! Torture and almost rapping.

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The girl. She's staring at me again. Those eyes, deep, intense. They look so familiar. We are standing in that park again and her eyes never leave mines. She looks sad, troubled, but why? What does she want from me? I turn away from her, trying to avoid those eyes and as soon I spoon around, accidentally I glance at my feet. I'm wearing those shoes my mum still keeps in a box of my childhood memories and my feet, they are smaller. Way smaller. I look at my whole body, realising that not only my feet look younger, but all my limbs do. I turn my head and I look at the girl again, her auburn locks spread all over her face because of the breeze blowing softly.

"I'm a kid..." I whisper. I approach her until I'm a few inches from her. Those eyes, so familiar. It's like I've known them my whole life, I've known how to read them, but I actually don't. Because that weak-looking small girl and I have never met... _Right?_ I tight my jaw. "Why are you keep appearing in my dreams? What are we? Who are you? How do you know me?" I suddenly say out loud, pushing her for answers. The girl looks all surprised and sad, like she wasn't expecting me to ask those questions.

"Clarke..." She whispers. "Please..."

"Please what? How do you know my name?" I answer angrily.

"Looks like-" Her voice is getting lower and raspy "-the tea and the constant darkness in this room is getting you a bit crazy, huh?"

I snap into reality, realising that that voice doesn't belong to the girl, but to Cage. His cocky smirk is just in front of me and my aching body and the sore on my tied wrists finally wake me up. "What-"

"You were delirious. Talking to me like you don't know me... I haven't expected you to be this weak! I mean, you were all 'I don't care who you are, I'm gonna kick your ass' three days ago" He air quotes as he starts pacing the room, making impossible for me to keep an eye on him because it makes me feel dizzy. "So... Who was I in your dream? A kid? Childhood problems? Clarke, really?"

"My childhood was great" I say low, trying to not throw up anymore.

"Aha... So, why do you not remember part of it?" I wasn't expecting that and I turn my head to look at him. "These past days you've been dreaming about someone you don't know, apparently, and a few minutes ago you just said the word kid..." I feel my dried mouth trying to answer back, but my mind is so blurry that nothing comes up. "Has Lexa something to do with that fact? Did she brain-washed you?"

"I-" Not quite sure about my answer, let my tongue to spit out the truth as my tired body relaxes when I finally give up. "- don't know..."

Cage hums approvingly and claps his hands together. "You've earned some more tea, sweetheart. Enjoy yourself" He says as he lets a man to come in with a hot mug. They don't untie me, instead, the man helps me to drink of the mug, my tongue burning has the hot liquid hits it. A tear escapes from my eye in response, but I keep drinking, letting a moan out as I feel my empty stomach being filled. Cage leaves the room, a satisfied look on his face, and tells the man to keep an eye on me until he's back.

When the mug is empty, he steps back and stares at me for a while. I close my eyes in pleasure when I feel the warmth of the tea running through every inch of me, hearing nothing but my breathing.

"You good?" He asks me. I don't answer and I refuse to open my eyes. He snorts and comes closer to me, and I can feel his hand wandering around my face, never touching until he grabs my chin and makes me look at him. "Do you really think someone is going to save you? Do you think that little bitch is going to come? She doesn't care about you, she doesn't care about anyone. She's not like my boss, she's heartle-" I spit on his face before he finishes that sentence, making him visibly angry. He stumbles back, wiping his face.

"You keep telling me she's evil, but you guys don't see that the one who is always kidnapping me is your boss. You are fucking torturing me. So fuck you, you're not better than she is." I say as loud as my weakened throat can.

He looks at me and suddenly his face changes, he slaps me hard and starts yelling at me. "YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT'S TORTURE?" He grabs a fist of my hair and puts his right foot on the arm rest, just right where my tied arm is. I hiss in pain when he pulls my hair, his shoe marking my arm with bruises. "You're going to get tortured." He whispers in my ear. "But first-" I hear a zipper and I feel him moving his other hand. "-you're going to make me feel better." He makes me lower my head and I realise what he was doing with his other hand. As he keeps pumping his shaft right in front of me, he tugs my hair. "You better behave, you don't want me to get angrier." I try to fight his hold on my hair, but his hips buck closer to my face. If this was happening in another place and situation, I'd be enjoying the roughness and this position. But right now, this makes me want to throw up again.

Just when I was about to give up, we get startled when something or someone falls from the air duct on the ceiling. "Who are you?" He says as he pulls out his gun from his belt with the hand that was on my hair, the other hand still caressing his lower parts. He's looking at someone behind me and I can hear their laboured breath that confirms the presence of another person here. And suddenly, two muted shots land on his chest, making Cage's man fall on the wet floor, a pool of blood forming beneath him. I hear heavy steps scooting closer to me and I shut my eyes, scared of what might happen. But a gentle hand caresses my cheek, where I got slapped before, and I can sense someone kneeling by my side.

"Are you okay?" Is barely a whisper but is enough for me to recognise the voice. I open my eyes slowly to look at her, tears pooling there. "No one is going to hurt you anymore." She cuts the ties on my wrists.

"How did y-" I try to ask, but a sob comes out in the middle and I can't stop my tears from coming out.

Lexa keeps caressing me with lovely eyes. "You've been missing for almost 4 days." She wipes my tears away. "We have to go. Can you stand up?" I push myself up, but as soon as my whole weight is on my feet, I stumble and almost fall, Lexa's hand grabbing me by my arm. "Don't worry, I got you. You see the air duct?" I nod. "We have to get up there. It's the only way to get out of here." I nod again, leaning on her.

We barely make it out, my body aching with every step we've taken towards the exit. Nyko and Lincoln are waiting for us outside of the building, car ready to leave. They help Lexa to sit me on the backside of the car before they all get in. Once we are on the road, my eyes close and my body relaxes as Lexa keeps caressing my arm and face.

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My mum's voice wakes me up. "This is all your fault." I hear. She sounds angry and I'm pretty sure, by the concern in her voice, she's been by my side since I arrived here. _Wait_. Where's here?

I open my eyes lazily, looking around and already knowing where I am. And the voice answering my mum confirms it. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Griffin. It was never my intention to hurt her, in anyway." Lexa apologises.

I hum drawing their attention. "I knew you know each other." I murmur, but I make sure both women hear me. My mother scoots closer to me, but Lexa remains on her spot, avoiding my stare. "How do you know each other?" I keep asking, holding my eyes on Lexa.

"How are you feeling, honey?" My mum asks me, trying to change the subject.

"Did we know each other?" Lexa won't look at me.

"I'm going to bring you something for eat, what do you want? Soup-"

"Why can't I remember you?!" I yell at Lexa, making her to tense, nails digging on her palms.

My mum tries to calm me "Clarke, you need to-"

"Why aren't you looking at me, Lexa?!" I'm crying, but I don't care. I want the truth, I want to know why Cage thinks I'm useful, why Lexa keeps saving me, why she touches me with that loving hands.

"It's not her fault." Finally, my mum gets my attention. "You knew her." She seems to be struggling with her words, like deciding whether or not to tell me the truth. She huffs and stares back at me. "You were... Really good friends. You used to play together at the park next to our place and you grew up together." My eyes widen as I listen to my mum, everything making sense now: the dream, the girl's eyes, Lexa's eyes, the park, me being a kid... "You couldn't live without each other. But... But then you got in that accident with dad. You lost your memories, you didn't even remember me."

"But now I do... Why didn't I remember Lexa, if she was so important to me?" I ask softly, not sure if I want to know the truth.

"Because I didn't want to." My mum states firmly. "Lexa and her family are mobsters, they hurt people, they live in a completely different way. And they could hurt you." She stops a few seconds, and she glares at Lexa. "She actually did. So when Lexa tried to come and visit you at the hospital, I told her to leave and never try to get to you again."

I stop breathing, not believing what my mum's just said. "Are you kidding me?" I whisper.

"She's not good for you. She's proven that she doesn't care much about anybody, she doesn't even care abo-"

"Get out."

"Wh-Clarke?" She says nervously.

"I'm tired of hearing people talking about Lexa like you really know her." I see Lexa from the corner of my eye looking at me incredulous. "Get out."

"But-"

"OUT." She nods and complies, walking out of the room after staring at Lexa aggressively. When I'm sure we are by our own, I look at her and she looks back at me. "I want to hear your version." Asking softly, I pat a spot next to me on the bed. She hesitates first, but after a moment, she comes and sits next to me, trying to leave some space between us, which I'm thankful for.

"Why are you asking me? Haven't you hear your mum? I'm not a good influence." She sighs.

"I keep dreaming about you almost every night." She looks surprised. "I'm pretty sure you were someone important to me, so yeah, I want to know what's your version of the story because I feel like I can trust you." I say, putting my hand on hers and I feel her body shaking.

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A/N: This one turned to be a bit longer than the other ones.

Abby, as always, being overprotective... Mothers love!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: heyyy! I'm so sorry I didn't update in the past days, I've been busy working and doing stuff - also I wasn't really inspired, so...

But, there you go, another chapter! Hope you like it!

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The room is filled with silence, Lexa seems to be taking her time to elaborate the right words to tell me the truth. She lets out a breath and she fixes her position on the bed so she can face me, both seated on the bed. We lock our stares and she bites her lower lip.

"Is it that bad?" I ask nervously joking.

"Sorry, it's just... Too much." She swallows and huffs before continuing. "We were 5 years old when we met." I nod, signalling her to continue. "We get close really quick and soon we were inseparable. We would play everyday in that park and, as we got older, we started to go out to the theatre, coffee shops, to that roller coaster that is next to the city hall... The first time we were away from each other for more than 8 hours was when we went to high school in different places." She laughs lightly, her eyes watering. "Worst day in our lives." She takes a deep breath, huffing, and closes her eyes. Her features change, the smile that was on her face before fading away. "The more time we were apart, the more need to get closer, to hug each other, to..." She sighs and looks at the ceiling, a tear running through her cheek. "We were our first time. We were like 15."

I freeze. First time? Like, first time? Wh-? Is this real? I try to replay her words in my mind, some images coming to my mind but none of them were her being... Naked. I kind of remember high school and how I felt back then, that anxiety to just get out of there and go to our meeting point, our ... "Our safe place." I whisper.

"What?" She says, a bit startled.

"Our safe place! The old building two blocks away from my mum's." I can't help the smile that is growing in my face and Lexa chuckles at my reaction.

"Yeah. Where we use to meet after class."

"Was our first time in that creepy place?" I make her laugh and it's the best sound I've ever heard.

"No, fortunately. It was in your place actually."

"Are you serious? And my mum, where was she?" I ask incredulous.

"Your mother had a call from the hospital and your dad was in NY working for a week. So we had the place for ourselves and, well, it wasn't planned, it just happened."

I try to get the images of that day, but nothing comes up. "How ... was it?"

She lets out a shaky breath and she looks down at her folded legs. "Well... In the beginning it was a bit messy, because none of us knew how to 'properly' do it. We spent like half of the time asking each other if 'this is okay' and so on..." She smiles widely and makes me smile too. "It was great, at least for me."

We stay quiet for a moment. She looks like she had made a huge effort to open herself, because her shoulders are down, her hands sweaty and her body curved, like trying to cover her chest. So I decide to open myself too. "Maybe that's why I never had a great relationship with anyone. I couldn't connect with anyone." She looks at me surprised. "What?"

"Oh! No, nothing. I just... I wasn't expecting that."

"Why? I mean, we were together and it was really good and that's why I can't move on, right?"

Her face shows disappointment. "Actually Clarke, it was a one time thing and we didn't talk about it. We avoided the subject and we tried to not loose our friendship. But in the end, we drifted apart."

Now I'm the one who is surprised. "What do you mean with 'we drifted apart'?"

"Our relationship wasn't as natural as always, I don't know why. We tried to be friends after that and it didn't work out good." She shudders and stares at me. "I guess it was for the best, because after that, your mum wouldn't let us be together and hang out together. She would repeat that my family was dangerous and that I was going to be an cold assassin one day. She was right after all." She chuckles sarcastically.

"She found out about our... Intercourse?"

"No that I know. But we had been always very close, so maybe she just guessed it. I don't know." She takes a moment before continuing. "Well, I think that's all. The rest you already know it: you had the accident and your mum wouldn't let me see you and now, here we are, after 3 years being apart, remembering stuff."

Some sad feeling settles in my stomach and I have the urge to touch her, so I grab her by her arm and I pull her to me. I fall on the mattress, my back hitting the surface, and she lands on me. I circle her with my arms, holding her tightly. She doesn't move, probably because this was just a crazy idea and she feels awkward. "Sorry, I don't know what got me." I release her, but she doesn't move at all. "Lexa? Are y-"

"Can we stay like this please?" I smile, because her voice sounded like an afraid kid who doesn't want to get out of the closet - because of the monsters, not because of the gay thing.

"Sure."

After a few hours getting to know us better, we decide to get out of bed and head downstairs, where Lincoln and Nyko are trying to be polite to my all-swearing and all-overprotective mum.

"Mum." I call her when I see her sitting on the table in the dining room, her arms crossed on her chest, looking through the window. She seems angry and I get it, partially. I know she is concerned, she is worried about my safety.

"Clarke, how are you feeling?" She asks, getting up and scooting closer to me. She touches my forehead to check my temperature and she looks me in the eyes.

"Mum, I'm fine. I got some rest and now I'm starving. I'll be fine in a couple of days." I assure.

She lets out a deep breath and stares at me with sorry eyes. "Clarke, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept you in the dark after the accident. I should have known better. Lexa and you were really close and it was a huge mistake trying to get you away from her. I mean, after all, you got into trouble anyway and if Lexa were allowed to talk to you, you wouldn't have been through all this situation, probably." Her voice cracks as she apologises.

I smile lightly. "Mum, it's okay. You lost dad and you don't want to loose me too, so I get it. I would have done the same thing. I'm sorry for yelling at you before." A tear escapes her eyes and I hug her. It's true, I know that all she's done it was for me and my safety.

We decide to sit on the table together when Nyko brings some snacks and drinks for all of us. "We should celebrate that the Commander and Clarke have finally become friends again!"

"Yes!" Lincoln says and he looks at my mum. "Right, Abby?"

She huffs and takes a moment before saying with a wide smile. "Yes." She raises her beer. "For friendship. For good friendships."

We spend the day having conversations about the past and about how Lincoln and Nyko entered Lexa's army and when the sun was setting behind the hills, my mum decides to head back home, Nyko offering to get her home safe and sound. I was about to join her when she grabbed my hand and said "You stay with Lexa"

I look at her incredulous. "But-"

"Here is safe. She will protect you." She looks at Lexa, who nods confirming that statement.

"What about you?"

"Nyko has my back. Don't worry." She winks and kisses me on the cheek before joining Nyko at the doorway. "We'll be in touch."

I stare at her as she leaves, worry settling in my brain. I feel a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it. "Don't worry, I'll send some of my people to look after her." I nod. Of course Lexa has a plan for everyone.

I turn around and I look at her intensely, making her shift on her spot.. "Why everyone thinks you're a monster when you really are the most good-hearted human being on the planet?"

She chuckles. "Well, I guess because I wear dark clothes and dark make up."

I smile, rolling my eyes. "Such a badass." I clear my throat, trying to find words for my next question, because in my brain sounds childish and I don't know how is she going to react at it. She looks at me, waiting patiently. "Um... So... I was wondering if we could sleep together?" Her eyes widen. "I mean, like sleep, not the other thing. In the same bed. But just sleep. Like you know, talk until we fall sleep. Okay, I'm going to stop talking and head towards my bed. If you want to join me you are more than welcome."

I get in my room and I hear footsteps behind me, so I leave the door open and I get my pants and my bra off, just leaving my t-shirt and knickers on. When I'm getting under the sheets, I see Lexa undressing and putting on a sleeveless shirt and some boy shorts, her tattoos catching my attention as she does. The mattress sinks underneath her and we lay on our sides, facing each other.

"So, when did you get those tattoos?" I smirk and she smiles devilish, looking back and forth between my eyes and my mouth.


End file.
